How to get my needs met: false beliefs

"MYTHS" regarding my needs

 (formed from the sin nature + childhood perceptions of family, culture. school, religion, etc.)

(from the Parrotts):

* Everything in our relationship will get better

* Everything bad in my life will disappear

* We expect exactly the same things for marriage

* My spouse will make me whole (happy, content, peaceful, joyful) Plus.

* My spouse is to be my completes, otherwise, why marriage?

* I am entitled to my spouse giving me respect, appreciation, encouragement, listening .......... and

* If he/she doesn't, it is destructive to me. I can never get over this.

* If we don't verbally communicate about our emotions, we can't have intimacy.

* We become one person at the marriage union.

* I am entitled to my husband being the spiritual leader, and assuming his role as "head".

* I am entitled to my wife being submissive and compliant.

* I am entitled to my husband/wife meeting my sexual needs.

 

 "MYTHS" regarding my needs

* I am responsible for my "other's" emotional well-being", so

* I am responsible for "seeing to it" that he/she is content, that the "waters are calmed", and for "fixing" (or giving solutions) and making things right (because)

* "My peace and emotional well-being is dependent on my spouse and others being O.K.

and on their opinions ...... and

* Then I will have acceptance and love and know I am of worth.

* I need a person (spouse) to be O.K.

or, * I am entitled to him/her making things O.K., making decisions for me, and keeping me on track, (so I can avoid being criticized and thus, avoid bean,- less than perfect)

* I must be perfect and avoid seeming a failure so I will be loved.

* My security is to be found in my mate's behaviors (emotional, financial, physical, etc.)

* If my husband/wife doesn't appreciate me, it means I'm not worthy of love.

* I am entitled to my husband/wife giving me space to make mistakes, to be my own person without her/him trying to change, criticize or ignore me.

* Our relationship must be fair, and I can't accept that I am not entitled to what the Lord commands my wife/husband to do and be.

* My unhappiness is my spouse's (or my circumstances') fault.

These beliefs (can lead to behaviors that can look good or bad. They lead to

 

CONTROL, MANIPULATION, false submission or domination

 

Hurt, rage, arguing, whining, pouting, dependency, unforgiveness, anxiety, hopelessness, depression, illness, irresponsibility

  Answers to MYTHS: John 8:32 and John 14:6